A Vacation From Seriousness
by AstralGuardian70775
Summary: Just a collection of Harry Potter drabbles I write when the mood strikes. Don't take these seriously. Irregular updates. Rated M because I'm paranoid.


**A/N: Hi, everyone! I know I said I don't write, but I figured some silly drabbles aren't going to hurt. I've already labelled it parody, and everyone knows better than to take parody seriously. So for this collection, here's the deal: Any warnings I feel need to be placed about a chapter will be put in the author's note up here at the top.**

 **For example, this chapter has** Character Death **and** Snape Bashing **.**

 **As for how I plan to go about this collection, it's pretty simple. I give myself a premise, I write a few hundred words to fill the premise. Each drabble is one chapter. The chapters are unlikely to ever be related to one another, but if they are, the chapter title will say "Part Two" or "Continued" or something. I have no beta so there's that. If you spot any errors, let me know about them in the reviews or PM me.**

 **Hope I manage to entertain you for a few minutes!**

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Chapter One - The Dungeon Bat

"I can't BELIEVE the bastard!"

"RON!" Hermione shouted.

"Oh don't go defending him," Ron spluttered. "The utter git has no excuse for the way he treated Harry! What kind of professor sees a student turning in a perfectly good potion and _deliberately destroys the evidence_ as an excuse to give him a zero?! And then has the gall to taunt him over it!" He folded his arms and glared at Hermione, as if daring her to try to justify Snape's actions.

"…W-well," she stuttered hesitantly.

"It isn't even the worst he's done, honestly," Harry said quietly. "Have you seen some of the essays he's handed back? I could swear some of the sentences marked on aren't what I wrote."

"You see?" Ron muttered angrily. "He doesn't deserve the title of 'Professor'! There's a reason why most students just call him 'That Greasy Dungeon Bat' whenever they're out of earshot of prefects or Slytherins or the like. It's not even just his hair or where you find him, it's his _personality_."

"We really should be able to expect better from those in positions of authority, those trusted to teach most wizarding children in the country," Harry said pointedly, looking at Hermione. She looked ashamed.

"Oh, I suppose you're right. After all, the teachers affect our grades, and our grades affect our future." She looked a bit forlornly at Pigwidgeon in his cage. He was rattling the bars to be let out to hunt. "I guess I just want to be able to think that Dumbledore cares enough about the students not to keep someone who's genuinely horrible."

"Don't kid yourself," Ron snorted, heading over to Pig. "Whatever it is about Snape that makes Dumbledore so insistent on keeping him, it's got nothing to do with school. He probably just wants Snape close for his supposed spy duties." He opened the window to the dorm, then Pig's cage. The hyper ball of feathers exploded out of Gryffindor Tower and circled out of sight.

* * *

A tiny bat fluttered through the desolate trees of the Forbidden Forest. It, too had originated from Hogwarts, but rather than a pet, it was something quite different.

' _What utter stupidity I have to put up with,'_ the bat thought. _'Here I am, risking my life on a regular basis, only to be expected to return to deal with those like_ Potter _who think they can skate by on mediocre effort and popularity or connections.'_ Snape hung himself on a convenient branch to rest. _'The look on his face when he realized I'd broken his vial was priceless. That's right, Potter, the world isn't always going to bow down at your-URK!'_

Sudden pain exploded through his head. Blood clouded his vision, and the last thing he heard before the world went dark was a high-pitched hooting.

* * *

Pigwidgeon soared happily back to Gryffindor tower after his meal. He'd heard his master complaining about the Nasty Bat, and he'd gotten one! He settled on the sill outside the boys' dorm and pecked at the window, a torn wing dangling from his beak.

"Hey, look at what Pig brought!" Ron laughed as he let the owl in. "Guess he heard us talking about the greasy bat and decided to go take care of it. Too bad he didn't get the real one, eh?" Harry shook his head from where he was sat, but smiled.

* * *

 **A/N: So how was that to start off with? This is my first published story of any length, so please review! I would like constructive criticism! I have about 6 more drabble premises to write for so expect some of that in the coming weeks.**

 **(If anyone is curious, this is what I gave myself to work with: "** **Drabble Premise:** Snape actually is a bat animagus. A _tiny_ bat animagus. This works out fine for him, right up until he gets eaten by Pigwidgeon. Pig returns proudly to Ron with a wing as a trophy. Ron is amused by the "symbolism" and is none the wiser. **")**


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